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Losing it...

Posted on 2012.05.06 at 22:41

Its all I can do lately. Is this really how its going to be? Me being stuck in a job that I hate with all my being? I don't know how much longer I can take it. I've started taking some meds to help me with the depression that I can no longer control. This job and all the crap that comes with it... this one can no longer handle alone.

Its as if I'm walking through a dead forest, the only person alive. I can't see anything past these trees...



Posted on 2011.10.09 at 00:53
I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor, that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate;
has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in:
machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical,
our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little:
More than machinery we need humanity;
More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.

Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish. . .

Soldiers: don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate, only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.

In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written:
"The kingdom of God is within man"
Not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men; in you, the people.

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power, let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.

Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!

-Charlie Chaplin


Day... WTF, what number is it?

Posted on 2011.08.17 at 22:41
Ok. So. The project is going GREAT!!!

Im noticing that I'm starting to be able to go longer and longer without washing my hair and it still feeling soft and clean. The coconut oil seems to be working very well also. My only problem is the fact that I run late for work almost every effin day. So when I have to wash my hair and be at work in 40 minutes, things get very stressful. Ok, so I lied. Two things. The other is the fact that I dont have a shower at the house. I just have a bath tub with running water. So when taking a bath on the days I wash my hair. I have the option of sitting in water filled with backing soda, vinegar, and coconut oil, letting the water run out while I sit on a freezing cold porcelain tub, or squat like I'm taking a shit outside and wash my hair, then fill up the tub.

I sometimes wish I was a plumber, but my fear of giant turtles keeps me from doing so. That and I'm lazy.


Tried the hair dye thing. And... It worked... a little. It did change my hair color... a tad. A small tad. It looks light brown until you get close and you can see a hint of red. I think I added to much coffee. A side effect of it though? I havent washed my hair in fucking 7 days and it RENEWED the cleanliness of the hair. It now feels like I just washed it. There was one side effect though... there is a big red spot on my lawn now...


Day 7?

Posted on 2011.07.31 at 21:01
OK, so the "Poo-less" thing has been working GREAT so far. Today though, it went for the worst. No, not because of product defects, not because the person didn't give good instruction, no, it was because of my impatience in not searching for proper proportions.

I wanted to try using oils to help my hair feel a little bit better and had put off on doing so because I didn't want to buy some only to have the project fail and then I'm stuck with coconut oil that I'll never use. So this morning, I was really excited to see if there were going to be any different results (when I started using just the wash and rinse I saw pretty big results quickly). Out of my excitement, though, I didnt search hard enough to find how to actually use it...

Long story short... a very very SMALL amount of coconut oil in the rinse is all you need, any more and you will end up looking like an Italian mobster and be able to have your hair withstand winds up to 80 mph and not have to worry about styling being lost. But there was a good side to this, after finally getting it all out of my (which took forever by the way) my hair feels FANTASTIC! But not worth it.

Lesson learned: A few drops, go a long, long way.


Day 1: Shampoo Freedom

Posted on 2011.07.24 at 20:45
Current Location: United States, Alabama, Birmingham
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Hex Rx
Well. Tonight I start the experiment of going shampoo free.

This should be interesting because its another change from the norm. My first change was the fact that I stopped washing my hair everyday and started doing it every other day. Then I went to every 3 days. Then to once a week. And now Im at 3 times a month max, with only up to two of those times being with shampoo and conditioner, the other times are simply washes with water.

I started this experiment after reading a post in a circle in Google+. It really made me want to do this so here I am, at the start. The things I need to do this are pretty easy to get; Baking Soda, Apple Cider Vinegar, Water, and Coconut Oil. To get your "wash" you place one tablespoon of Baking Soda into 1 cup of warm water and mix. You then rinse. Then you add about two tablespoons of the Apple Cider Vinegar to 1 cup of water and pour in your hair as a "Rinse". Then you wash that out with cool water, which is supposed to help with frizziness (here's hoping). The coconut oil is used as a conditioner, I havent bought or used it yet because I want to see how the wash goes before I try anything else (the baking soda and vinegar cost less than 2 bucks, the coconut oil I could find cost over 6 bucks).

Today was the first wash/rinse, and now that its finally dried... its doing great. I haven't washed my hair in 2 weeks with shampoo, just with water, and my hair feels as if I washed it with a good shampoo and a cheap conditioner. Its soft and smooth, with just a little bit of straw feel on the end (Thats how my hair feels whenever I just shampoo it normally without conditioner. Also its like this because of all the damage and split ends I have) and it has a bit of an added shine to it right now, which is odd for my hair unless its really oily.

One con though... the vinegar stung slightly when some of it got on my face. Luckily it didnt get in my eyes, I guess we will be using the infant hair wash thing that we got for Xander and never use.

Lets see how this goes in the next month.

Posted on 2011.04.22 at 08:00
Death truely changes everything. Ive been thinking of of my lifes deaths and how they have effected everything.

My uncle was the first. He was an ex biker gang member and he was truely the embodimemt of that. Long white beard, tattoos everywhere, skilled tattoo artist, lived ins florida and had a crazy wife with long brown hair. But he was also the embodiment of a great father, providing for his family, a great wife, house, two great kids and a dog. When he died of cancer, it changed everything. My aunt was truely saddened, my cousins hit hard from losing thier father at such an early time in thier life, and the summers visiting them would never be the same. Nothing felt the same. Food didnt taste the same, fun didnt feel the same, and the beach never looked so washed out.

The trips down got fewer and far between, until they stopped all together. Contact has all but stopped. But although the trips and contact stopped...

The weight of losing someone so close never gets any less heavy.


Through the Eyes of the Deadman.

Posted on 2010.09.02 at 15:16
Waking up to the same mundane task everyday drove me to get the gun. I havent named it but i would love to give it one so it could grow a personality. Its become my comfort. I come home everyday from my work, sit down, and enjoy the barrels kiss upon my temple.
I've still yet to buy it a bullet, instead i hope one day the universe realizes my suffering and places one inside the chamber without my knowing. Ah, what a tender way to go to sleep, with the blessing kiss of an unnamed gun.

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The Dark Shift pt6

Posted on 2010.05.27 at 08:24
I just got home from my third day at this job. Well... to me its my third day, but in actuality it was my fifth. I cant remember anything from the last two days, I actually didnt even know they had pasted until my wife mentioned it to me in an earlier argument about me being involved with my work. Apparently, within this blackout period I neither spoke nor did anything else other than sleep once I got home.

Come to think of it... the only thing I can remember about last night was what i believe to be a hallucination. I saw a wound on my arm about two inches long and I began to dig into it, peeling it apart revealing more layers of skin until I got to the bone... i then snapped it.

I say this is a hallucination because there is not such a wound on my arm, but it still has a hint of pain from where I saw the wound. I think this place is starting to get to me.


The Dark Shift pt5

Posted on 2010.05.24 at 04:44
My left arm is hurting at the elbow and shooting down to my hand and it makes that arm feel exhausted. My tooth is starting to hurt. Am i growing something new?

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The Dark Shift pt4

Posted on 2010.05.24 at 03:00
Tonight i dragged some of my workers with me to set up the tv wall. Most was going well except the fact that the heat given off by the monitors is rediculous. Im typing this while on lunch since i had an experience at break which left me little time to do anything other than drink and leave back to the floor. I had found mt beverage of choice and went to go check out. Unfortunately for me something was going on at the beast from last night. A lady stood there waving some type of paper in front of the beast but said nothing. The beast then took the slip and then quickly returned it to her. Then silence. Nothing was being sad, nothing was being done, ot was as if all time had stopped. I thought to myself that maybe i did this with my mind. I quickly tried out another power, but no ones head blew off, so this was obviously not my doing. Then everything just... started. Everything started back up. The lady finished her transactions with the beast and i checked out. This place... is very odd.

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